When Shane and I were first dating, we took a trip to the Outer Banks, NC. It was a transformative time for me. My mother had just died, and I had her ashes with me to throw into the sea. Shane and I were just settling into a serious realationship, and the vacation seemed to deepen things between us. A conversation sticks out in my mind from that trip, when I told him I didn't really want kids. That conviction was softening, though. (While I was at the beach, my best friend was pregnant, and immediately after her baby boy was born, she up and had another one!)
Over the next couple of years, things were shifting in my life. Shane and I were talking about getting married, my friends' babies were growing beautifully, and I was in my mid-twenties. I was nearly finished with school, and assessing my life. Slowly, I developed a massive case of baby-fever. Shane had always teased me that he'd never have kids, and it suddenly started to make me burst into tears. He finally told me he was kidding and really did want a child with me.
We got ourselves used to the idea, and one of us talked about it a lot. I don't remember discussing it, but we knew our baby would be named Molly, after a sweet and wonderful woman who had taught art classes to both of us in college. A friend of mine called us parents-without-a-kid. She introduced me to someone as Molly's mom once when we were having a baby talk around the thrift store where we worked.
We got married, and my friends made bets with me during the showers and planning that I'd be pregnant before the wedding. I wasn't, and we were too unstable financially to really want that. We were going to have a very planned pregnancy and have no money worries. We'd wait until we could both work at home with our business. I graduated the following May, and started looking for a full-time job to work until we could support both of us with the photo and design business. We made a plan that summer that once I found a full-time job and had health insurance, we'd start trying to conceive. It was a lovely and responsible plan.
And then we immediately got pregnant.
Thursday, August 24, 2006
Monday, May 29, 2006
Birth Story Part 1: Post-Dates, then Water Breaks
My due date was Wednesday, May 24. Early on, we told Molly that she needed to wait until May 23rd so she’d be a Gemini like Daddy. The minute I was far enough along to safely deliver at the birth center, I decided a Taurus baby would be just peachy, so she could just hurry her little butt out of there. I decided sex would be a good idea again after having no desire throughout the pregnancy, so we heaved the giant belly into the air and made acrobatic love. At 38 weeks or so I started dilating, and could feel it in my cervix very localized, so I wasn’t surprised when the midwife that week told me I was a fingertip dilated and 50% effaced. I kept cramping through the next week and at that next visit… still a fingertip. I had started getting calls asking when the baby was coming, and was really annoyed by them, because I was miserably heavy and achy and desperate to go into labor. At my 40 week visit on Friday, still a fingertip, and Laurie suggested I get some Evening Primrose Oil and Raspberry Leaf Tea. We went immediately to the Health Food store and I took the maximum dose I could of the oil, and chugged the tea by the gallon. I was so bored and cranky it was terrible, and I was bloated like crazy, and my back was on strike.
Sunday night we go to Shane’s Mom & Dad’s for dinner, and they’d made a huge West Virginia comfort food meal. Shane tries to get me to eat some Turkey, since I’d given into poultry cravings a couple of times in my first trimester, but we were over that. I have gravy though. There’s batter bread and sweet potato casserole, and I can’t stop eating. I eat until I should be sick. Then I have another piece of bread. I amazed there is suddenly room in my belly for food. We hang out a little while in the kitchen discussing my stubborn cervix, how adorable the cradle is all empty and waiting, breastfeeding stories, etc. We finally go home and just hang around the house. We are both up a little later than usual, and I go up to our bedroom to watch Buffy DVD’s. Shane goes downstairs to the office to mess around on the computer.
I pop in the DVD (Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 6, but I don’t remember which episode) at 5 til midnight, lie down on the bed and get extremely comfortable and relaxed, then feel the weirdest tiny little pop. Immediately my brain races: That was my water. Ohmygoddess that was my water. Go to the toilet. It is going to gush everywhere in just a second. My water broke, I’m going to be in labor. Contractions any second. Mom’s labor started with her water breaking, I knew mine would break early too. I make it to the toilet, and the whoosh comes. I feel very giddy, and yell down at Shane, “Come here! My water just broke!” He asks was I serious, well yes, and we talk about what to pack up (I’d packed the bare necessities but we had no DVD’s, music, snacks for the birth center) and when to call the midwife and his parents and my aunt. Right after this I notice that there is a green tinge to the waters, and slightly powdery looking stuff in the toilet. I know right away that I’m not going to the birth center and will have to deliver at the hospital. My high doesn’t quite crash, but I’m in a sort of suspended, distant emotional state at that point. We call and have Laurie paged, and she calls right back from the hospital. I tell her about the meconium, and she tries to ascertain the color and thickness from my description- the color of green tea but thicker but not soup thick. Inexplicably, I lie about the powdery dark stuff, thinking I am not sure if it was just a dirty toilet- I know it isn’t but I’m hanging onto a thread of hope I can still go to the birth center. We can’t agree whether it was too thick, and if I should be admitted to the hospital. She says to wait one hour, sit on white pads or towels, and report back on the color. I call Debi, our doula, to tell her what was going on. She seems confused by Laurie’s advice, or just sleepy, but we tell her we’ll call when things got further along.
I sit on a couple of towels, totally grossed out by the squishy gushes that keep coming, and we call everyone to tell them what was up. We say we’ll prepare for the birth center or the hospital, and keep everyone posted. After one hour, we call Laurie back. I report pretty much the same as before. She suggests we meet at the birth center and she’ll check it, and if it was thick meconium we’d go to back to the hospital. The hospital is only 10 minutes from our house, and the birth center is 30. So I tell her we can come to the hospital, if it was easier for her. Shane shakes his head “no” as I am on the phone, not knowing I am talking to her about just meeting to check on things. Seeing his concern about not going to the birth center is great, and makes me feel so secure and glad I have him as a partner in this. The midwife says they’d want to admit me if they knew I was in labor, so to just go to triage and tell them she is going to check to see if my amniotic fluid is leaking.
Sunday night we go to Shane’s Mom & Dad’s for dinner, and they’d made a huge West Virginia comfort food meal. Shane tries to get me to eat some Turkey, since I’d given into poultry cravings a couple of times in my first trimester, but we were over that. I have gravy though. There’s batter bread and sweet potato casserole, and I can’t stop eating. I eat until I should be sick. Then I have another piece of bread. I amazed there is suddenly room in my belly for food. We hang out a little while in the kitchen discussing my stubborn cervix, how adorable the cradle is all empty and waiting, breastfeeding stories, etc. We finally go home and just hang around the house. We are both up a little later than usual, and I go up to our bedroom to watch Buffy DVD’s. Shane goes downstairs to the office to mess around on the computer.
I pop in the DVD (Buffy the Vampire Slayer Season 6, but I don’t remember which episode) at 5 til midnight, lie down on the bed and get extremely comfortable and relaxed, then feel the weirdest tiny little pop. Immediately my brain races: That was my water. Ohmygoddess that was my water. Go to the toilet. It is going to gush everywhere in just a second. My water broke, I’m going to be in labor. Contractions any second. Mom’s labor started with her water breaking, I knew mine would break early too. I make it to the toilet, and the whoosh comes. I feel very giddy, and yell down at Shane, “Come here! My water just broke!” He asks was I serious, well yes, and we talk about what to pack up (I’d packed the bare necessities but we had no DVD’s, music, snacks for the birth center) and when to call the midwife and his parents and my aunt. Right after this I notice that there is a green tinge to the waters, and slightly powdery looking stuff in the toilet. I know right away that I’m not going to the birth center and will have to deliver at the hospital. My high doesn’t quite crash, but I’m in a sort of suspended, distant emotional state at that point. We call and have Laurie paged, and she calls right back from the hospital. I tell her about the meconium, and she tries to ascertain the color and thickness from my description- the color of green tea but thicker but not soup thick. Inexplicably, I lie about the powdery dark stuff, thinking I am not sure if it was just a dirty toilet- I know it isn’t but I’m hanging onto a thread of hope I can still go to the birth center. We can’t agree whether it was too thick, and if I should be admitted to the hospital. She says to wait one hour, sit on white pads or towels, and report back on the color. I call Debi, our doula, to tell her what was going on. She seems confused by Laurie’s advice, or just sleepy, but we tell her we’ll call when things got further along.
I sit on a couple of towels, totally grossed out by the squishy gushes that keep coming, and we call everyone to tell them what was up. We say we’ll prepare for the birth center or the hospital, and keep everyone posted. After one hour, we call Laurie back. I report pretty much the same as before. She suggests we meet at the birth center and she’ll check it, and if it was thick meconium we’d go to back to the hospital. The hospital is only 10 minutes from our house, and the birth center is 30. So I tell her we can come to the hospital, if it was easier for her. Shane shakes his head “no” as I am on the phone, not knowing I am talking to her about just meeting to check on things. Seeing his concern about not going to the birth center is great, and makes me feel so secure and glad I have him as a partner in this. The midwife says they’d want to admit me if they knew I was in labor, so to just go to triage and tell them she is going to check to see if my amniotic fluid is leaking.
Birth Story Part 2: The Hospital
We get everything together, and drive to the hospital. The drive is surreal. I know for sure that I’m going to have the baby in the hospital, and we are just going through the motions trying to still make it to the birth center. We pull in and go to the triage labor floor. This is, on some level, fucking hysterical- I have on a thick overnight pad and a couple of cloth diapers in my huge panties and am trying not to make a puddle in the floor, and to keep a straight face while I pretend I don’t know if my water has broken. The security guard at triage tells me I have to go through the ER. I argue, he argues. I lose, and waddle off to the ER, where I have to pretend again that I’m a clueless idiot who needs the midwife to check to see if I’m leaking amniotic fluid., all while the squishy ick continues. I’m extremely annoyed and bitchy. We finally make it through the proper channels, and go back up to triage and labor. Laurie meets me and has a sweet nurse bring me into a room. Shane has to wait outside because of some asinine hospital policy. Laurie check me, and talks to the nurse, and she says “Blah blah blah pea soup blah blah.”
My heart sinks- I’m having the birth in the hospital, with wires and IV’s and chemicals. Laurie does an exam. My cervix is STILL only a fingertip dilated. I’m terrified and resigned at the same time as she starts explaining to me that they have to induce labor (augment actually I guess.) The pitocin will help my cervix open, apparently. I ask her about cervical ripeners but it’s not policy at this hospital.. She goes over my birth plan with me, ticking away all the items that I’m unable to have. No IV refusal now, no tub, no shower, no food- but she orders clear fluids which is against their ice-chips only regulations. I tell her I realize that the plan’s out the window but I understand. I’m very grateful to her for being so apologetic in tone and so gentle presenting this information to me. She says she’ll call Debi for us when labor is more intense, that we’ll let her sleep a while. It’s around 1:30 or 2 a.m. now on Monday morning, Memorial Day. A nurse comes in to interview me with the same medical questions I answered before when we pre-registered just in case. She asks if Shane’s abusive, I assure her he’s not, and then they are finally allowed to let him in. They hook me up to monitors for Molly’s heartbeat and my contractions. Oh, it turns out I’m having them every four minutes and had no idea. There had been some weird pain that I called “gassy/crampy” during the past couple of days which must have been them. They felt nothing like my Braxton-Hicks or what I’d expected, so I didn’t pay any attention. A young, newbie-seeming nurse comes in to insert my IV. Against the midwife’s orders, she puts it in the back of my wrist. They start the pitocin drip, and it makes me really drowsy. It feels like I took a valium. Laurie suggests I sleep between contractions, but I can’t.
Things at this point all run together in my mind. Shane’s mom had shown up early on before we were sure we’d have to stay. She couldn’t sleep, so she came on over. I don’t remember when my aunt Pam came with Janet, our friend. They were there for most of it I think.
For the next few hours, things seem circular. The monitor falls off, the nurse fixes it, then the same thing again. The IV gets kinked, they unkink it, it kinks back up. (The midwife is seriously pissed at the newbie for the IV.) There’s contraction, rest, contraction, rest. I can feel them now, but they are no big deal. I have to pee a lot, and I make them bring me a toilet by the bed, because it killed my back when they had me use a bedpan. Every time I have a contraction when I’m up or on the toilet it feel really intense and they progress until they’re very uncomfortable. Laurie checks me periodically. She says I am still not opening, and she explains that she’ll have to force open the cervix. The operation that fixed my birth defects left thick nasty scar tissue that won’t budge. The options are to insert forceps and open them quickly and forcefully, which makes me dizzy to think about, or to use foley balloon things to progressively widen it. She tells me both options are very painful and very gently tells me she wouldn’t recommend that I do this without medication. I realize that she must be talking about serious pain because she knows that I wanted no mention of pain medication, and I trust her judgment. I’m in a hazy this-isn’t-happening daze, but I know I’ll do what has to be done. I ask her “an epidural isn’t necessary is it?” and she says that would be overkill, that they’d give me a shot of Nubain. At some point later they give me the shot. It’s almost immediate and I’m loopy and stoned. I’m a little relieved and relaxed, and when Shane’s mom comes in I tell her giddily “I’m stoned,” and think briefly if she wonders how I know what being stoned feels like and then decide I’m a grown woman about to give birth and I don’t care. I think vaguely about my mom who definitely knew what being stoned feels like.
My heart sinks- I’m having the birth in the hospital, with wires and IV’s and chemicals. Laurie does an exam. My cervix is STILL only a fingertip dilated. I’m terrified and resigned at the same time as she starts explaining to me that they have to induce labor (augment actually I guess.) The pitocin will help my cervix open, apparently. I ask her about cervical ripeners but it’s not policy at this hospital.. She goes over my birth plan with me, ticking away all the items that I’m unable to have. No IV refusal now, no tub, no shower, no food- but she orders clear fluids which is against their ice-chips only regulations. I tell her I realize that the plan’s out the window but I understand. I’m very grateful to her for being so apologetic in tone and so gentle presenting this information to me. She says she’ll call Debi for us when labor is more intense, that we’ll let her sleep a while. It’s around 1:30 or 2 a.m. now on Monday morning, Memorial Day. A nurse comes in to interview me with the same medical questions I answered before when we pre-registered just in case. She asks if Shane’s abusive, I assure her he’s not, and then they are finally allowed to let him in. They hook me up to monitors for Molly’s heartbeat and my contractions. Oh, it turns out I’m having them every four minutes and had no idea. There had been some weird pain that I called “gassy/crampy” during the past couple of days which must have been them. They felt nothing like my Braxton-Hicks or what I’d expected, so I didn’t pay any attention. A young, newbie-seeming nurse comes in to insert my IV. Against the midwife’s orders, she puts it in the back of my wrist. They start the pitocin drip, and it makes me really drowsy. It feels like I took a valium. Laurie suggests I sleep between contractions, but I can’t.
Things at this point all run together in my mind. Shane’s mom had shown up early on before we were sure we’d have to stay. She couldn’t sleep, so she came on over. I don’t remember when my aunt Pam came with Janet, our friend. They were there for most of it I think.
For the next few hours, things seem circular. The monitor falls off, the nurse fixes it, then the same thing again. The IV gets kinked, they unkink it, it kinks back up. (The midwife is seriously pissed at the newbie for the IV.) There’s contraction, rest, contraction, rest. I can feel them now, but they are no big deal. I have to pee a lot, and I make them bring me a toilet by the bed, because it killed my back when they had me use a bedpan. Every time I have a contraction when I’m up or on the toilet it feel really intense and they progress until they’re very uncomfortable. Laurie checks me periodically. She says I am still not opening, and she explains that she’ll have to force open the cervix. The operation that fixed my birth defects left thick nasty scar tissue that won’t budge. The options are to insert forceps and open them quickly and forcefully, which makes me dizzy to think about, or to use foley balloon things to progressively widen it. She tells me both options are very painful and very gently tells me she wouldn’t recommend that I do this without medication. I realize that she must be talking about serious pain because she knows that I wanted no mention of pain medication, and I trust her judgment. I’m in a hazy this-isn’t-happening daze, but I know I’ll do what has to be done. I ask her “an epidural isn’t necessary is it?” and she says that would be overkill, that they’d give me a shot of Nubain. At some point later they give me the shot. It’s almost immediate and I’m loopy and stoned. I’m a little relieved and relaxed, and when Shane’s mom comes in I tell her giddily “I’m stoned,” and think briefly if she wonders how I know what being stoned feels like and then decide I’m a grown woman about to give birth and I don’t care. I think vaguely about my mom who definitely knew what being stoned feels like.
Birth Story Part 3: Active Labor
After the shot, the contractions stay the same for a long time, they are so much easier now. The midwife and nurses keep checking and tugging at my cervix. They never rip it with the forceps or use the foley though- they just stretch and tear it progressively I guess. Laurie goes to nap and says at 6 or 6:30 she’ll check on me. That’s in a few or a couple hours, I forget. The evil monitor keeps falling off and I feel fat and annoyed every time the cute skinny nurse messes with my ungainly gigantic belly. I’m still not excited, just dazed and cranky. I call my Dad at some point and he comes. In a while the shot wears off and my contractions get intense.
Laurie comes back and peeks at my cervix, and her jaw literally drops- 6 centimeters! She has cute skinny nurse look to confirm, and she agrees. They are very impressed and I am glad there will be no frightening, sudden tearing of my cervix. Laurie calls Debi, and shortly after this it’s shift change. The new midwife will be Delphine, who is our favorite. She gave us our first exam and we haven’t seen her since but her aura was so great I’m really excited she’s coming. I think she and the doula arrived roughly at the same time. I’m relieved a little that things are picking up. I decide it’s a decent enough hour to call Megan, my best friend, who must be getting ready for work. I very timidly ask her to come, telling her I totally understand if she can’t miss work. She scoffs, reminds me it’s a holiday anyway, and she’ll be right here. By the time she arrives, my dad, Shane’s parents and nephew, Janet, Megan, Shane, and Debi the doula are all there. They wander in and out in shifts at my direction.
I’m getting very introverted during contractions and have to tell people to shhh. I’m afraid I’m being a bitch to Megan. Then I want distraction and since Meg’s here I send Shane to the car for Buffy DVD’s and CD’s. Turns out there’s no DVD player, so we put in Tom Petty’s Wildflowers, which was my mom’s CD and has much good mojo. It annoys the shit out of me and almost immediately I have them turn it off. Laurie’s still here when Meg comes because I remember they give me a foot rub with nice lotion together. I try to enjoy it but am violently angry at my feet for being so swollen. I can’t wait to be not pregnant. At some point Delphine comes- yay. I’m in a little better mood because I love her so much. I start getting in different positions and Shane helps me onto the bed facing the back. Debi makes me rock my hips through contractions. It’s hard to move- I want to clench every muscle in my body, but if I move it does help. I imagine the baby moving down, and hope she’s close. The contractions are getting really, really hard and every time I’m freaking out inwardly thinking “I can’t do this, I can’t do this…” They tell me they have to insert an internal monitor because they can’t keep the external one in place, and that they have to do a fetal monitor that screws into the baby’s head. I’m so sad and ask for them not to do the fetal monitor but they insist and Delphine’s very reassuring. I don’t believe them at all when they tell me it doesn’t hurt her, but I have no choice so they do it. Her heart rate is perfect, just as it has been all along in between losing the damn monitor every two seconds.
Time is circular again. Contractions suck, Shane’s sweet, Debi’s quietly cheerleading and handholding. I’m a burning fire from hell and am freezing everyone in the room. Shane and Delphine have sweatshirts, Debi’s wrapped up in a hospital blanket. I remember Shane gets teary seeing me work so hard. I’m loud and groany grunty whiny during contractions. Delphine gives me an amazing pep talk about warrior goddess power and gets me to explain my yoni and triple moon tattoo. After forever I start to think I need to push. It’s a pressure but not overwhelming like I’ve heard it is. I wait a few contractions and then I say I think I want to push. I try on all fours and it’s hard. I feel like I can’t push hard enough. After ages of pushing Delphine suggests I get on my back with my legs up. This progresses better but it’s so hard. I feel like I’m flunking gym class and my muscles are just not strong enough to get the baby out. Shane’s on my left and Debi’s on my right and they each have a leg on their knees and push back at me with all their weight each time I push. After a long, long time it seems, The baby’s head’s visible through a small almond shaped vagina that feels like a huge hole. My butt is inside out, all swollen and disgusting. I poop, I think. I keep pushing, expecting to see her plop out, but she never does. I’m confused. She looks so close, why won’t she come out? I can’t push any harder, I’m exhausted, just reach up in there and get her. I think she’ll have to use forceps. It’s frustrating. They ask do I want to touch her head? I don’t- they’re just trying to distract me and I am busy on this mission. Couple more pushes, no little baby head. Delphine tells me she wants to do a small episiotomy, that there is scar tissue in my perinium like my cervix, and it won’t stretch. She and Debi tell me this is only the second one Delphine’s ever recommended. They say yes, it is necessary. They numb me and cut, and I’m scared this push will hurt more but it’s the same and in one or two more hard, hard, crazy hard pushes there is a small round brunette head OUTSIDE finally, and I push her the rest of the way out and I probably moan with pleasure it feels so good to get her little body out. I don’t remember her crying or the cord cutting but I kind of remember a warm wet baby on my belly. Then Shane cuts the cord, they clean her, and weigh her and bring her to me in a little hat. Oh Gods she is perfect. She’s wide awake and gorgeous and pink. I’m still lying down, and we nurse awkwardly in a propped up football hold.
Laurie comes back and peeks at my cervix, and her jaw literally drops- 6 centimeters! She has cute skinny nurse look to confirm, and she agrees. They are very impressed and I am glad there will be no frightening, sudden tearing of my cervix. Laurie calls Debi, and shortly after this it’s shift change. The new midwife will be Delphine, who is our favorite. She gave us our first exam and we haven’t seen her since but her aura was so great I’m really excited she’s coming. I think she and the doula arrived roughly at the same time. I’m relieved a little that things are picking up. I decide it’s a decent enough hour to call Megan, my best friend, who must be getting ready for work. I very timidly ask her to come, telling her I totally understand if she can’t miss work. She scoffs, reminds me it’s a holiday anyway, and she’ll be right here. By the time she arrives, my dad, Shane’s parents and nephew, Janet, Megan, Shane, and Debi the doula are all there. They wander in and out in shifts at my direction.
I’m getting very introverted during contractions and have to tell people to shhh. I’m afraid I’m being a bitch to Megan. Then I want distraction and since Meg’s here I send Shane to the car for Buffy DVD’s and CD’s. Turns out there’s no DVD player, so we put in Tom Petty’s Wildflowers, which was my mom’s CD and has much good mojo. It annoys the shit out of me and almost immediately I have them turn it off. Laurie’s still here when Meg comes because I remember they give me a foot rub with nice lotion together. I try to enjoy it but am violently angry at my feet for being so swollen. I can’t wait to be not pregnant. At some point Delphine comes- yay. I’m in a little better mood because I love her so much. I start getting in different positions and Shane helps me onto the bed facing the back. Debi makes me rock my hips through contractions. It’s hard to move- I want to clench every muscle in my body, but if I move it does help. I imagine the baby moving down, and hope she’s close. The contractions are getting really, really hard and every time I’m freaking out inwardly thinking “I can’t do this, I can’t do this…” They tell me they have to insert an internal monitor because they can’t keep the external one in place, and that they have to do a fetal monitor that screws into the baby’s head. I’m so sad and ask for them not to do the fetal monitor but they insist and Delphine’s very reassuring. I don’t believe them at all when they tell me it doesn’t hurt her, but I have no choice so they do it. Her heart rate is perfect, just as it has been all along in between losing the damn monitor every two seconds.
Time is circular again. Contractions suck, Shane’s sweet, Debi’s quietly cheerleading and handholding. I’m a burning fire from hell and am freezing everyone in the room. Shane and Delphine have sweatshirts, Debi’s wrapped up in a hospital blanket. I remember Shane gets teary seeing me work so hard. I’m loud and groany grunty whiny during contractions. Delphine gives me an amazing pep talk about warrior goddess power and gets me to explain my yoni and triple moon tattoo. After forever I start to think I need to push. It’s a pressure but not overwhelming like I’ve heard it is. I wait a few contractions and then I say I think I want to push. I try on all fours and it’s hard. I feel like I can’t push hard enough. After ages of pushing Delphine suggests I get on my back with my legs up. This progresses better but it’s so hard. I feel like I’m flunking gym class and my muscles are just not strong enough to get the baby out. Shane’s on my left and Debi’s on my right and they each have a leg on their knees and push back at me with all their weight each time I push. After a long, long time it seems, The baby’s head’s visible through a small almond shaped vagina that feels like a huge hole. My butt is inside out, all swollen and disgusting. I poop, I think. I keep pushing, expecting to see her plop out, but she never does. I’m confused. She looks so close, why won’t she come out? I can’t push any harder, I’m exhausted, just reach up in there and get her. I think she’ll have to use forceps. It’s frustrating. They ask do I want to touch her head? I don’t- they’re just trying to distract me and I am busy on this mission. Couple more pushes, no little baby head. Delphine tells me she wants to do a small episiotomy, that there is scar tissue in my perinium like my cervix, and it won’t stretch. She and Debi tell me this is only the second one Delphine’s ever recommended. They say yes, it is necessary. They numb me and cut, and I’m scared this push will hurt more but it’s the same and in one or two more hard, hard, crazy hard pushes there is a small round brunette head OUTSIDE finally, and I push her the rest of the way out and I probably moan with pleasure it feels so good to get her little body out. I don’t remember her crying or the cord cutting but I kind of remember a warm wet baby on my belly. Then Shane cuts the cord, they clean her, and weigh her and bring her to me in a little hat. Oh Gods she is perfect. She’s wide awake and gorgeous and pink. I’m still lying down, and we nurse awkwardly in a propped up football hold.
Birth Story Part 4: After Birth
After a while Delphine tells me my placenta won’t come out, and she has to reach in and tug. This is very painful and I’m just freaked out all over again. More pain? More complications? No, no, no, no. She pulls and the cord breaks off, my placenta won’t budge. She calls the doctor and on his advice tries again. No luck, so she pages him to come in. I’m scared and in a distant place again. Surreal, not happening.
The doctor arrives. He storms in, big and imposing and gruff and masculine. I hate him instantly. He asks Del if I had a spinal or an epidural and they tell him I’ve had nothing (the one dose of Nubain is ancient history) in a tone that tells me I really will wish I had. He is now scrubbed and gloved and comes over and shoves both hands inside me, all the way into my womb, and tears and pulls. I think I’m being torn inside out, my back comes up off the table, and I nearly throw tiny Molly in the air. Shane takes her, holds my hand. It’s hell. (I can’t describe that pain- I should have fainted. I don’t understand why my body didn’t let me pass out. It was nightmarish.) It’s over at some point. The baby’s in my arms, there’s a photo. Del stitches me up. Pam, the grandparents, my brother, Megan come in to see the baby. They take her to the nursery for a bath. I don’t remember when they brought her back, but I remember being so exhausted I didn’t nurse her then, and thinking I should but she’s not really hungry yet, she can wait a little while. (Later that night we have trouble nursing and I feel guilty thinking I should have nursed her when I was tired.)
When I’m ready to leave the labor/delivery room, I almost pass out getting out of bed. I’ve lost a lot of blood and they had almost given me a transfusion but decide not to. They wheel me off to the mother and child unit. The next couple of days there are a blur, but I remember:
Shane changes her first poop diaper, and she poops on him. I think it’s hilarious.
Shane brings me yummy Pomegranate Kefir smoothie and wheat crckers.
The evil nurse who I let dribble formula on my nipple to get the baby to latch on, and me thinking ‘this is bullshit. why am I not telling her to shove the bottle up her ass?’
The mounds and mounds of pillows with baby on top, nursing happily but shallowly with her pitiful little tongue-tied latch.
Visits from Dad, Renee & Teresa, Nell (hugely pregnant) & Rick
The heel-stick that made me cry.
The insane night of crying that made me call Shane back to the hospital at 3 a.m. even though I'd sent him home at 1 to sleep.
Sucking at swaddling and having a nurse show us how.
The happy laughing-at-myself relief of counting ten fingers.
The very first few “popeye faces” – her hungry rooting face
The headache they gave me a percocet for, and the Nap of Bliss that followed with my brand new baby swaddled up against me with sheets, belly to belly.
The endless annoying interruptions, discussions of her tongue-tie, having it clipped, and us finally saying fuck it and checking out against advice.
Being wheeled out in the wheelchair, proudly holding my baby girl and smiling an insanely happy, dog-tired, blissed out smile.
How tiny and adorable she looked in her little white eyelet dress from Big Molly
Noticing she looked like Shane’s granny in the car on the ride home
Holding her little head up in the car seat because it was wobbling everywhere, and being absolutely in love with the feeling of that tiny face against my palm.
The doctor arrives. He storms in, big and imposing and gruff and masculine. I hate him instantly. He asks Del if I had a spinal or an epidural and they tell him I’ve had nothing (the one dose of Nubain is ancient history) in a tone that tells me I really will wish I had. He is now scrubbed and gloved and comes over and shoves both hands inside me, all the way into my womb, and tears and pulls. I think I’m being torn inside out, my back comes up off the table, and I nearly throw tiny Molly in the air. Shane takes her, holds my hand. It’s hell. (I can’t describe that pain- I should have fainted. I don’t understand why my body didn’t let me pass out. It was nightmarish.) It’s over at some point. The baby’s in my arms, there’s a photo. Del stitches me up. Pam, the grandparents, my brother, Megan come in to see the baby. They take her to the nursery for a bath. I don’t remember when they brought her back, but I remember being so exhausted I didn’t nurse her then, and thinking I should but she’s not really hungry yet, she can wait a little while. (Later that night we have trouble nursing and I feel guilty thinking I should have nursed her when I was tired.)
When I’m ready to leave the labor/delivery room, I almost pass out getting out of bed. I’ve lost a lot of blood and they had almost given me a transfusion but decide not to. They wheel me off to the mother and child unit. The next couple of days there are a blur, but I remember:
Shane changes her first poop diaper, and she poops on him. I think it’s hilarious.
Shane brings me yummy Pomegranate Kefir smoothie and wheat crckers.
The evil nurse who I let dribble formula on my nipple to get the baby to latch on, and me thinking ‘this is bullshit. why am I not telling her to shove the bottle up her ass?’
The mounds and mounds of pillows with baby on top, nursing happily but shallowly with her pitiful little tongue-tied latch.
Visits from Dad, Renee & Teresa, Nell (hugely pregnant) & Rick
The heel-stick that made me cry.
The insane night of crying that made me call Shane back to the hospital at 3 a.m. even though I'd sent him home at 1 to sleep.
Sucking at swaddling and having a nurse show us how.
The happy laughing-at-myself relief of counting ten fingers.
The very first few “popeye faces” – her hungry rooting face
The headache they gave me a percocet for, and the Nap of Bliss that followed with my brand new baby swaddled up against me with sheets, belly to belly.
The endless annoying interruptions, discussions of her tongue-tie, having it clipped, and us finally saying fuck it and checking out against advice.
Being wheeled out in the wheelchair, proudly holding my baby girl and smiling an insanely happy, dog-tired, blissed out smile.
How tiny and adorable she looked in her little white eyelet dress from Big Molly
Noticing she looked like Shane’s granny in the car on the ride home
Holding her little head up in the car seat because it was wobbling everywhere, and being absolutely in love with the feeling of that tiny face against my palm.
Monday, April 17, 2006
Molly's Naming Ritual
Molly Shayne Naming Ritual
September 2, 2006
(post is dated weird so it'll fall to bottom of page)
Clear the space, sweeping with broom. Ask Mom’s blessing:
Mom, I’m here to bless and name my baby, your granddaughter. I ask your blessing on her, and ask your presence be with us tonight as I bless her in a sacred space that is between the worlds, in the timeless spaceless state that separates us. I ask you just to be here, and to see this love I have made, and to share her blessing with me.
Cast circle with broom or wand, three times around.
The circle is cast, we are between the worlds, in the presence of the sacred.
Call quarters/elements.
Hail to the guardians of the watchtowers of the East, powers of air, of lightness and new beginnings, of the Maiden and of youth, direction of the dawn, come and bless this circle.
Hail to the guardians of the watchtowers of the South, powers of fire, of heat and passion and will, of the Warrior and of courage, direction of the heated sun, come and bless this circle.
Hail to the guardians of the watchtowers of the West, powers of water, of cleansing and birth and the womb, of the Mother and of creation, direction of the setting sun, come and bless this circle.
Hail to the guardians of the watchtowers of the North, powers of Earth, of roots and home and growing, of the Crone and of wisdom, direction of the cool evening, come and bless this circle.
Invoke the Goddess.
Great Goddess All Mother, Source of All Life, I call on you as your daughters have called since the earth was young. I call on you, Lady of Many Names, with these words of power- I name thee Persephone, Demeter, Artemis, Innana, and Mary, the Queen of Heaven.
I call on you to witness the naming of this child, my daughter. I ask your blessing for her, and it is simply this- that she reach her potential. I ask that she be given the power to be a perfect expression of who she is fated to be, and in manifesting that she will be a glorious reflection of You.
Her name comes from beloved women. She is named for an artist of the earth who shapes beauty from clay. She is named the word that brought shared joy to my Mother and me. She is named for the dream her father and I shared, and she is named for him. She is named for beauty, and for a poem her mother fell in love with.: Shayne vie de Lavuna Lichtig vie de Shterin Funn himmel a matona ~ Beautiful like the Moon Bright as the stars from heaven a gift
Little child, my beloved daughter, you are the most beautiful gift in all of heaven and earth, and my gift to you is a name full of love and affection and beauty. I name you Molly Shayne. You are my darling. As I will so mote it be.
Present baby to each quarter, asking gifts for her.
Hail, East, powers of air, I present to you Molly Shayne, and ask that she be blessed with intellect and intuition.
Hail South, powers of fire, I present to you Molly Shayne, and ask that she be blessed with a strong will and passion.
Hail West, powers of water, I present to you Molly Shayne and ask that she be blessed with creativity and dreams.
Hail North, powers of earth, I present to you Molly Shayne, and ask that she be blessed with good health and a strong body.
Molly, I’m going to read you a prayer now for the first time, Mama’s favorite prayer, The Charge of the Goddess.
Listen to the words of the Great Mother, who of old was called Artemis, Innana, Demeter, Aphrodite, Cerridwen, Diana, Brigid and by many other names.
"Whenever you have a need of anything, once in the month, and better it be when the moon is full, you shall assemble in some secret place and adore the spirit of Me who am Queen of all Witches. You shall be free, and as a sign that you be truly free you shall be naked in your rites. Sing, feast, dance, make music and love, all in My presence, for Mine is the ecstasy of the spirit and the Mine also is joy on earth. For my law is love of unto all beings. Mine is the secret that opens upon the door of youth and Mine is the cup of wine of life that is the holy grail of immortality. I give thee knowledge of the spirit eternal and beyond death, I give peace and freedom and reunion with those that have gone before. Nor do I demand sacrifice, for behold, I am mother of all things, and My love is poured upon the earth."
Hear the words of the Star Goddess, the dust of whose feet are the hosts of heaven, whose body encircles the universe: "I who am the beauty of the green earth and the white moon among the stars and the mysteries of the waters, I call upon your soul- arise and come unto Me! For I am the soul of nature that gives life to the universe. From Me, all things proceed and unto Me they must return. Let my worship be in the heart that rejoices, for behold all acts of love and pleasure are my rituals."
Let there beauty and strength, power and compassion, honor and humility, mirth and reverence within you. And you who seek to know Me, know that thy seeking and yearning will avail thee not, unless you know the Mystery; for if that which you seek, you find not within thee, you wilt never find it without. For behold, I have been with you from the beginning and I am that which is attained at the end of desire.
The Farewell
Blessed be, and praised, Great Mother Goddess. Thank you for this your gift and for witnessing her naming.
Blessed be, and celebrated, watchtowers of the elements and four sacred directions. Thank you air, fire, water, and earth each for the gifts you bring.
Open circle.
September 2, 2006
(post is dated weird so it'll fall to bottom of page)
Clear the space, sweeping with broom. Ask Mom’s blessing:
Mom, I’m here to bless and name my baby, your granddaughter. I ask your blessing on her, and ask your presence be with us tonight as I bless her in a sacred space that is between the worlds, in the timeless spaceless state that separates us. I ask you just to be here, and to see this love I have made, and to share her blessing with me.
Cast circle with broom or wand, three times around.
The circle is cast, we are between the worlds, in the presence of the sacred.
Call quarters/elements.
Hail to the guardians of the watchtowers of the East, powers of air, of lightness and new beginnings, of the Maiden and of youth, direction of the dawn, come and bless this circle.
Hail to the guardians of the watchtowers of the South, powers of fire, of heat and passion and will, of the Warrior and of courage, direction of the heated sun, come and bless this circle.
Hail to the guardians of the watchtowers of the West, powers of water, of cleansing and birth and the womb, of the Mother and of creation, direction of the setting sun, come and bless this circle.
Hail to the guardians of the watchtowers of the North, powers of Earth, of roots and home and growing, of the Crone and of wisdom, direction of the cool evening, come and bless this circle.
Invoke the Goddess.
Great Goddess All Mother, Source of All Life, I call on you as your daughters have called since the earth was young. I call on you, Lady of Many Names, with these words of power- I name thee Persephone, Demeter, Artemis, Innana, and Mary, the Queen of Heaven.
I call on you to witness the naming of this child, my daughter. I ask your blessing for her, and it is simply this- that she reach her potential. I ask that she be given the power to be a perfect expression of who she is fated to be, and in manifesting that she will be a glorious reflection of You.
Her name comes from beloved women. She is named for an artist of the earth who shapes beauty from clay. She is named the word that brought shared joy to my Mother and me. She is named for the dream her father and I shared, and she is named for him. She is named for beauty, and for a poem her mother fell in love with.: Shayne vie de Lavuna Lichtig vie de Shterin Funn himmel a matona ~ Beautiful like the Moon Bright as the stars from heaven a gift
Little child, my beloved daughter, you are the most beautiful gift in all of heaven and earth, and my gift to you is a name full of love and affection and beauty. I name you Molly Shayne. You are my darling. As I will so mote it be.
Present baby to each quarter, asking gifts for her.
Hail, East, powers of air, I present to you Molly Shayne, and ask that she be blessed with intellect and intuition.
Hail South, powers of fire, I present to you Molly Shayne, and ask that she be blessed with a strong will and passion.
Hail West, powers of water, I present to you Molly Shayne and ask that she be blessed with creativity and dreams.
Hail North, powers of earth, I present to you Molly Shayne, and ask that she be blessed with good health and a strong body.
Molly, I’m going to read you a prayer now for the first time, Mama’s favorite prayer, The Charge of the Goddess.
Listen to the words of the Great Mother, who of old was called Artemis, Innana, Demeter, Aphrodite, Cerridwen, Diana, Brigid and by many other names.
"Whenever you have a need of anything, once in the month, and better it be when the moon is full, you shall assemble in some secret place and adore the spirit of Me who am Queen of all Witches. You shall be free, and as a sign that you be truly free you shall be naked in your rites. Sing, feast, dance, make music and love, all in My presence, for Mine is the ecstasy of the spirit and the Mine also is joy on earth. For my law is love of unto all beings. Mine is the secret that opens upon the door of youth and Mine is the cup of wine of life that is the holy grail of immortality. I give thee knowledge of the spirit eternal and beyond death, I give peace and freedom and reunion with those that have gone before. Nor do I demand sacrifice, for behold, I am mother of all things, and My love is poured upon the earth."
Hear the words of the Star Goddess, the dust of whose feet are the hosts of heaven, whose body encircles the universe: "I who am the beauty of the green earth and the white moon among the stars and the mysteries of the waters, I call upon your soul- arise and come unto Me! For I am the soul of nature that gives life to the universe. From Me, all things proceed and unto Me they must return. Let my worship be in the heart that rejoices, for behold all acts of love and pleasure are my rituals."
Let there beauty and strength, power and compassion, honor and humility, mirth and reverence within you. And you who seek to know Me, know that thy seeking and yearning will avail thee not, unless you know the Mystery; for if that which you seek, you find not within thee, you wilt never find it without. For behold, I have been with you from the beginning and I am that which is attained at the end of desire.
The Farewell
Blessed be, and praised, Great Mother Goddess. Thank you for this your gift and for witnessing her naming.
Blessed be, and celebrated, watchtowers of the elements and four sacred directions. Thank you air, fire, water, and earth each for the gifts you bring.
Open circle.
Wednesday, August 31, 2005
Molly Milestones
Molly does Stuff:
- First poo: all over Daddy's hands as he changed her first diaper.
- Mama dubs baby "Squeaker" in desperate attempt to retain humor when 2 day old baby begins inconsolable screaming and refusal to nurse- later we realize mama's anemia has caused her to produce no colostrum and we use a Reglan prescription to remedy.
- 6.12.07 Milkies!!! The LC weighed the Boue (8 lbs 10 oz after being eight-nine at birth and dropping to 7 lbs 3 oz in 2 days) and we have a go ahead to stop the bottles! w00t for boobies:) I'm so happy I could cry... feel so proud of such a simple biological thing.
- Two or three weeks: Molly holds her head very steady. Strong legs too. She's obviously a prodigy.
- 6.28.07 Nearly one month to the day: Molly smiles! Molly babbles! She says “Aah!” and “Mehm,” which I think means “Dad” & “Mom.” She had her one month old check up today. She's almost 10 pounds and is long (22 1/2") and healthy. She had an immunization shot which made her cry a whole new cry I'd never heard before, but she recovered quickly. We went shopping beforehand, and I thought I might have to force myself to nurse her in the bookstore, but she slept in her little Snugli sling the whole time and didn't eat until we were hidden in the exam room at the pediatrician's. I need a summer weight sling, but Mama and Daddy also have a need for groceries and to pay bills, so I'll keep dreaming Maya Wrap dreams.
- 7.15.07 First real nursing in public experience. (Besides the thrift store where half the staff is or was a nursing mama:) Was at Shoney's, the home of plastic greasey food and non-crunchy moms and old ladies. Jacked up the car seat sunshield to use as a barrier:) No comments or rude stares, only one old man did a pretty subtle double take. Bu very proud.
- 8.8.06: Molly rolls over. Middle of the night nursing she rolled toward me, and then found herself on her belly. Mama got up to pee, putting her on her back, and when I came back she was on her belly.
- 8.15.06 Molly laughs, almost. Co-workers say it counts:)
- 8.15.06 Molly picks up a toy- her bunny rattle from Baby Lysee.
- 8.18.06 Molly first tumble. Falls off couch while incompetent idiot mother tries to take her picture.
- 8.28.06 Molly laughs actual haha laugh for Daddy-monkey noises.
- 8.29.06 Molly laughs actual haha laugh for Mommy- tickled belly.
- 9.6.06 Molly finds her feet. Cannot sit still to nurse because they are too much fun and they are all she can think about.
- 9.6.06 Shane calls me at work to report that Molly has gotten her first big wet yucky doggy kiss. Dharma licked her from chin to forehead. Molly giggled.
- 9.26.06 Molly perfects the art of The Raspberry, and Mama has a moment of nostalgic awe remembering when the baby was nicknamed Molly Raspberry- because she was a tiny raspberry-sized fetus in my barely-showing belly.
- 10.1.06 Molly discovers her thumb. (Edit: Never caught onto thumbsucking though. Apparently all suckling needs are met by nursing all night long constantly ohmygods.)
- 10.4.06 Molly abducted by time-travelling dinosaurs and replaced by baby pterodactyl.
- 10.23.06 Molly sees her first snowflakes. She doesn’t care.
- 11.11.02 Molly can sit by herself if we sit her up.
- 11.23.06 Thanksgiving Day. Molly has her first meal- sweet potatoes! (Le yum.)
- 11.30.06 Molly sees Christmas lights for the first time. Unimpressed.
- 12.1.06 Molly says “Mama,” the babbling version, not the I Know Your Name Is Mama version.
- 12.11.06 Molly’s first booboo. The mirror-door cut on the itty bitty finger.
- 12.31.06 Molly says “Dada.” Still doesn’t know who’s who.
- 1.07 Molly can wave bye-bye, as taught by Mamaw & Papaw. Oh, wait no she can’t. She forgot. Then she learned again, then forgot.
- 1.1.07 Molly picks very appropriate day for two new milestones: She pulls to standing in a laundry basket, then looks around with gleeful surprise at her new position, and she pulls herself to sitting from lying in bed. Neither have been repeated as of 1.11.07.
- 1.11.07 Molly’s “vocabulary”as of seven months: “mama, dada, m-, b-, g-, t-, d-, eye, ee, uh, and the raspberries and squawks.
- Eight and a half months: Molly waves Hi and Bye when prompted. She grins from ear to ear while waving.
- 1.29.07 Molly crawls. She has a sideways-ish funny crawl. She uses the foot on one leg and drags the other a little. Very cute but worries me a tiny bit as it’s hard not to be a developmental hypochondriac when you work with physical therapists.
- 2.24.07 We have taught her to clap. When you say “Yay, Molly!” or clap your hands she responds with little soundless soft baby clapping and a huuuuuuuge grin.
- 2.25.07 First tooth! Bottom left front tooth. Almost nine months:)
- 3.11.07 We discover three (!) new top teeth in various stages of breaking through.
- 3.12.07 Molly learns “uh-oh!” Mama dies from the cuteness overload. This is the first real sound she mimics. It is awesome. She can also stand herself up sometimes and bend over then straighten. She stands pretty stable now. I predict walking very soon.
- 3.14.07 Molly’s first steps, from Daddy to Papaw.
- 3.15.07 Molly crawl-climbs steps.
- 3.16.07 Molly hands me a book to read for the first time. It’s the baby animals one.
- April 2007 “Dat!?” Pointing at everything, dat! dat ! dat?
- 5.23.07 She climbs furniture. Into green old chair and up onto the arm. Very scary.
- 5.30.07 Molly says cat. (Check up, 17 lbs 11 oz. 28″ tall.)
- 6.2.07 Molly’s first devil horns, i.e. headbanging rocking awesomeness. She even pumped her hand as if to metal music. She is so cool.
- Eleven months-ish- Molly knows where her nose is.
- Twelve months-ish- Molly knows “Gimme Five!”
- 13 months: makes guttural Oh! Ooh! noise for dog and tiny squeaky noise for kitty.
- 13 1/2 months: Molly masters blowing kisses. Also has fallen in love with "Itsy Bitsy Spider" and started mimicking hand motions:)
- 14 months: Molly gives real kisses! *Smack:Heartmelt*
- 14 months wordage: mama, dada (specific) bye bye, uh-oh!, bah (ball), ni-ni (night-night/nummins), muh-mama or mumum (MawMaw), bup (burp. so cute) bop (as in repeating "Did you bop your noggin?") She knows where her nose, mouth, teeth, ears, and belly are.
- 8.5.07 Molly says: Good girl! then won't repeat. Of course. But Mamaw & I heard her repeat it and were both quite enchanted:)
- 14 1/2 months. Sometimes, Boue will fart and say "poot?"
- 10/29/07 Birdy learns new awesome word: Gock-lit! (chocolate)
- 17 months: Molly rocks so hard. She headbangs even. Still eensy, but wearing 12-18 months stuff. Her words: mama, dada, mawmaw, papaw (which, mysteriously, is always whispered...melty cuteness,) deedle-eedle-ee = kitty, the most squeeful of all words, bay = bailey our dog, boh = boss, the neighbor's dog, nana = banana, gak= quack, gock-lit = chocolate, num num, nah!, or nah nah= nursing, nigh-nigh = bedtime, baaawwwwwlll = ball (still drawing it out into 13 or so syllables, mmmm = "moo", bah = sheep noise, teet = "tweet" mah = goat noise, ooh = owl noise, 'nap =snap... go, gone...She 's mimicking really well (she said "Fuh..." once: eep!) and seems to learn new words every day, at least temporarily.
- 11/7/07 Starts saying "Eesss" or just "SSSSSssss" for Elyse.
- 11/7/07 Molly’s first haircut (I think. Bu says it doesn’t count.) I trimmed her wee wispy bangs and she looks adorable.
- 11/20/07 "Nih-Nigh" for Midnight, the grandies' cat
- 1/26/08 Random 20 month old stuff, as I haven't updated Milestones in two months: She has lots of words suddenly, in the past week or two. She learned "no" and it's the sweetest little sad sound. It's like when she was newborn and cried and Bu & I said how it made us want to carve our hearts out and serve it to her on a platter. She still doesn't say "yes," but indicates an affirmative response by giggling, which is so sweet I hope she never learns yes. She says Wah-yee for water. Djoos for juice. Ee for eat. Cack-ah with a whispered "ah" for cracker. She also always whispers Pah-Pah for Papaw. She says Dom-Doh for Dharma Dog and calls her a Good Girl. She knows "hot" really well; behaves wonderfully with the woodburning stove. She has watched Aladdin about 80 times this week. First movie she has gotten attached to. She loves bath but hates shower with a fiery loathing. She loves to go-go bye-bye. Not making two word sentences often, but occasionally will. She learned to talk on the phone this week, too. Her hello is "Lo-Lo." Her favorite toys right now are her dolls which get to ride in the toy stroller a lot and be brought to me for nummins. Then Molly gets nummins, too. Very cute. And she feeds them. She's eating a little better. Everything must be spooned or forked. She eats her freakin' bread with a fork.
- 3.1708 The Birdy apparently made a big sentence this morning, "Night-night, Papaw, please."
- 6.3.08 Recent Birdy tricks: Crazy Eyes, What's Hulk Do? (Grrr.... with raised fists.)
- Birdy speak circa 24 months: to-to=cookie, bantet=blanket, dawmah-dod=dharmadog, say-uh-ee=shadey, wain=rain (shower) , peent=pink, puh-pull=purple, lallo=yellow; wee-wee=fishie, may-may=mermaid, tat=cat, tee-tee=kiki (a favorite movie), tay-yo=potatoes, mat=mashed (the preferred presentation of the Exalted Potato), dooce=juice, caca=cracker, chocolate. She learns new words so fast it's futile to list her vocabulary at this point.
Beautiful Things to Never, Ever Forget: - Popeye face. Molly made this when she was hungry from the minute she was born. She opens her mouth sort of sideways and moves her head, rooting for nursies. She squints one eye, even.
- The Moro Reflex. When Molly gets startled, she throws out her arms wide and it’s so cute. It looks like she’s trying to hug the entire universe.
- Posing for newborn skin-on-skin photos topless with a naked baby, with breastmilk and baby pee dribbling onto the floor, cracking up.
- Walking on the ceiling. Daddy’s favorite game. He turned Molly upside down one day, and I tried to find a reason to worry, but she loves it. He’ll pick her up by the fat little thighs and walk her on the ceiling. She is incredibly cute from that angle.
- Molly playing with her hair with one hand as she nurses. The other is tucked in between us and her face is like the most satisfied baby face ever, her head tilted back, her eyes half closed and her mouth all fishy faced around my nipple.
- Morning Molly. She purses her lips, scrunches her face, and stretches until you think she’s going to bend backwards into a complete circle. She flails her hands about wildly, she thrashes her head. She yawns. Then suddenly she’s still again, she goes limp as a wet noodle and falls back to sleep. Repeat from 6:00 a.m. until 10a.m. When she finally is awake, she snaps those bright, deep eyes wide open and starts babbling and cooing as if telling us about her dreams.
- Molly’s new nursing noises: “ah, ahh, ahhh, AAAH!!!!” Urgently grunted while mouth is gaping open in front of Mama’s frantically-in-the-process-of-being-opened-bra.
- Molly’s insane head-turny move. She shakes her head from side-to-side really fast and grins like a maniac. It’s hysterical.
- Molly says mamamamama, and this seems to mean “Yay! My bum is naked! Away with the diaper, away!” Because she likes to babble it when she’s being changed.
- Molly playing gently with the hair behind my ears as she cuddles me. (This makes the memories section. The fists full of pulled out hair don’t because I’ll be wanting to forget that part.)
- Molly “talks” to herself. Sometimes when she’s engaged in cruising or “standing practice” she’ll make quiet little whispered baby babble sounds that sound like she’s talking to herself and is deep in thought.
- Molly’s first “hug.” Entwining her skinny little arms around my neck and playing with my hair then squeezing, and tilting her head way back to smile at me like I was the sun.
- Watching her bliss out in a shower of tiny yellow leaves this autumn on the grandies' porch.
- Cutest Boue stuff at 17 months: mama's face peek-a-boo, the toe eating pirranah(sp?) monster, "show me your teeth" elicits huuuuge grin, her hair is getting so long, must trim bangs soon, how she signs more for everything.... playing with her especially. *Edit* 11/7/07 Molly's first haircut (I think. Bu says it doesn't count.) I trimmed her wee wispy bangs and she looks adorable.
- January 2008. Post bath num-num. I got her out of the tub and she was freeeezing so I got her all dressed and stayed naked myself. Brought her down to Bu but she freaked and clung to me, so I wrapped up in a blanket and sat by the fire against a bunch of pillows on the couch and nursed her for over an hour while she slept. Made a little pillow with my towel and melted.
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