Birth Story Part 3: Active Labor

After the shot, the contractions stay the same for a long time, they are so much easier now. The midwife and nurses keep checking and tugging at my cervix. They never rip it with the forceps or use the foley though- they just stretch and tear it progressively I guess. Laurie goes to nap and says at 6 or 6:30 she’ll check on me. That’s in a few or a couple hours, I forget. The evil monitor keeps falling off and I feel fat and annoyed every time the cute skinny nurse messes with my ungainly gigantic belly. I’m still not excited, just dazed and cranky. I call my Dad at some point and he comes. In a while the shot wears off and my contractions get intense.

Laurie comes back and peeks at my cervix, and her jaw literally drops- 6 centimeters! She has cute skinny nurse look to confirm, and she agrees. They are very impressed and I am glad there will be no frightening, sudden tearing of my cervix. Laurie calls Debi, and shortly after this it’s shift change. The new midwife will be Delphine, who is our favorite. She gave us our first exam and we haven’t seen her since but her aura was so great I’m really excited she’s coming. I think she and the doula arrived roughly at the same time. I’m relieved a little that things are picking up. I decide it’s a decent enough hour to call Megan, my best friend, who must be getting ready for work. I very timidly ask her to come, telling her I totally understand if she can’t miss work. She scoffs, reminds me it’s a holiday anyway, and she’ll be right here. By the time she arrives, my dad, Shane’s parents and nephew, Janet, Megan, Shane, and Debi the doula are all there. They wander in and out in shifts at my direction.

I’m getting very introverted during contractions and have to tell people to shhh. I’m afraid I’m being a bitch to Megan. Then I want distraction and since Meg’s here I send Shane to the car for Buffy DVD’s and CD’s. Turns out there’s no DVD player, so we put in Tom Petty’s Wildflowers, which was my mom’s CD and has much good mojo. It annoys the shit out of me and almost immediately I have them turn it off. Laurie’s still here when Meg comes because I remember they give me a foot rub with nice lotion together. I try to enjoy it but am violently angry at my feet for being so swollen. I can’t wait to be not pregnant. At some point Delphine comes- yay. I’m in a little better mood because I love her so much. I start getting in different positions and Shane helps me onto the bed facing the back. Debi makes me rock my hips through contractions. It’s hard to move- I want to clench every muscle in my body, but if I move it does help. I imagine the baby moving down, and hope she’s close. The contractions are getting really, really hard and every time I’m freaking out inwardly thinking “I can’t do this, I can’t do this…” They tell me they have to insert an internal monitor because they can’t keep the external one in place, and that they have to do a fetal monitor that screws into the baby’s head. I’m so sad and ask for them not to do the fetal monitor but they insist and Delphine’s very reassuring. I don’t believe them at all when they tell me it doesn’t hurt her, but I have no choice so they do it. Her heart rate is perfect, just as it has been all along in between losing the damn monitor every two seconds.

Time is circular again. Contractions suck, Shane’s sweet, Debi’s quietly cheerleading and handholding. I’m a burning fire from hell and am freezing everyone in the room. Shane and Delphine have sweatshirts, Debi’s wrapped up in a hospital blanket. I remember Shane gets teary seeing me work so hard. I’m loud and groany grunty whiny during contractions. Delphine gives me an amazing pep talk about warrior goddess power and gets me to explain my yoni and triple moon tattoo. After forever I start to think I need to push. It’s a pressure but not overwhelming like I’ve heard it is. I wait a few contractions and then I say I think I want to push. I try on all fours and it’s hard. I feel like I can’t push hard enough. After ages of pushing Delphine suggests I get on my back with my legs up. This progresses better but it’s so hard. I feel like I’m flunking gym class and my muscles are just not strong enough to get the baby out. Shane’s on my left and Debi’s on my right and they each have a leg on their knees and push back at me with all their weight each time I push. After a long, long time it seems, The baby’s head’s visible through a small almond shaped vagina that feels like a huge hole. My butt is inside out, all swollen and disgusting. I poop, I think. I keep pushing, expecting to see her plop out, but she never does. I’m confused. She looks so close, why won’t she come out? I can’t push any harder, I’m exhausted, just reach up in there and get her. I think she’ll have to use forceps. It’s frustrating. They ask do I want to touch her head? I don’t- they’re just trying to distract me and I am busy on this mission. Couple more pushes, no little baby head. Delphine tells me she wants to do a small episiotomy, that there is scar tissue in my perinium like my cervix, and it won’t stretch. She and Debi tell me this is only the second one Delphine’s ever recommended. They say yes, it is necessary. They numb me and cut, and I’m scared this push will hurt more but it’s the same and in one or two more hard, hard, crazy hard pushes there is a small round brunette head OUTSIDE finally, and I push her the rest of the way out and I probably moan with pleasure it feels so good to get her little body out. I don’t remember her crying or the cord cutting but I kind of remember a warm wet baby on my belly. Then Shane cuts the cord, they clean her, and weigh her and bring her to me in a little hat. Oh Gods she is perfect. She’s wide awake and gorgeous and pink. I’m still lying down, and we nurse awkwardly in a propped up football hold.